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By Yourself, Buy Yourself

by The New Normal

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1.
I fall apart every day Right around 5:30 When I wake up next to you Inside my head I don’t even try to explain What made me this way But I hate the fact that It’s only getting worse I fall apart every day From the anxiety Of having to stand up for myself I’m fucking sick every day Of my past mistakes And I hate the fact that I’m always in the wrong
2.
Wild Turkey 02:06
Off of Virginia In a one bedroom 400 dollars a month Empty cabinets Broken skateboards on the wall Combo TV/VHS We’re doing our best With our limited resources He comes home drunk But I’m already wasted Taking pictures Taking every ounce of strength Just to keep it together Independence Make me miss my friends back home I’ve never felt so alone We’re doing our best So the neighbors don’t hear screaming Late this month And pray it’s not a baby We’re doing our best Even when we scare the roaches We’re safe today But next year I’ll fucking hate you
3.
This fabulous straw That rules for a lifetime Which dictates our week And punishes daily We struggle to breathe And say we’re allergic We’re broken and broke And excessively nervous My friends and I are already Turning against ourselves We’re waking up to the fact We’re dying without seeking help There’s blood in your mouth From numbing your insides You say you’re okay Your wallet says otherwise We don’t want to support Violent exploitation But we’re too selfish to care More concerned with our faces My friends and I are already Throwing up every night We’re growing sick of trying to quit Turning our skin pale white My friends and I are already Halfway to the hospital His lips are blue and I’m hearing you Screaming I won’t let you die
4.
Jelly 03:19
I’ll do my fucking best But I’m stuck out in the rain Afraid of every noise Afraid of everything Won’t you comfort me I’ll join you in your seat I don’t know what I want I don’t know what I need
5.
Loose 04:30
As I sink into this feeling, aware I’m not quite done My mouth turns dry, my tongue goes numb Everybody in this room loved me yesterday But today I still can’t face myself, so everything’s the same God damn you for loving me God damn all your help And God damn the grace of your disposable wealth I don’t love you, I don’t love me I don’t love anything Except the promise that this all will stop And some day I’ll be free Today I woke up panicked freezing and alone I wish that this hallway Could ever feel like a home Then I could die a martyr I could die a saint I could build myself a legacy Out of passionate hate
6.
Local 30 03:09
I’m back from rehab and I’m off suboxone I got a girlfriend and she keeps me honest I got my family back and don’t wanna lose them Why won’t you believe that I’m done with using
7.
It’s less difficult to Expect a miracle like Waking up from 8 full hours of sleep And my scars are fading From my shoulders and legs As I reconcile the part That needs fixing Now I live for days like these Something ordinary something more discreet Every night’s a nightmare I’m wide awake but still scared In a losing battle I have in my head It’s such a disappointment To regret every moment I should fight but I’ll give up instead Now I live for days like these Something ordinary something more discreet They told me be patient There’s no shame in waiting It probably won’t get better overnight I’m in a place to listen But I crave forgiveness For the hefty price of all those flashing lights Now I live for days like these Something ordinary something more discreet
8.
I took a good look and watched you walk into the house downtown Where your entire life is on the floor in stacks You shut the door and I thought to myself I wish it wasn’t going to end like this And I told myself not to miss you But I miss you Even if it’s only when I think about protecting myself from toxicity You saw the worst of me And now you have to leave I’m afraid for your health And I’m afraid of myself But this is how it has to be.
9.
Contrast 04:26
I’m dripping head to toe In grayscale paint When morning breaks It’s getting cold Out here all alone But it’s quiet and sweet My tongue is in knots And I just forgot What I’m doing here I just can’t shake That I’ve made mistakes And they’re here on display Your hands are everything They dig so deep And find something unique In the spaces between Awake and asleep Where I start to dream This room comes alive Every time you’re inside It’s more comfortable And I can’t predict If I’ll die or i’ll live But you’re worth the risk

about

So this is our first record, and it tells some kind of story. The general idea is the rise and fall and rebirth of an unreliable narrator. That's all there really is to it, the rest is up to you.

This was recorded in the most contemporary way possible – meaning recorded directly to the SD card of a Zoom audio recorder. Actually, two handheld audio recorders, and we synced everything up in post. It was mixed completely without any outboard gear, only with stock plugins in Logic, and was mastered the same way. This is not for any kind of DIY cred or anything, we're just broke and impatient.

We put a lot of love into making this record, mistakes and all. We hope that you enjoy it as much as we do.

credits

released February 22, 2019

Recorded February 2019 at Chumphouse Studios, San Jose.

Special thanks to:

The Chumps at Chumphouse – Paris, Crimes, Nora, Morty, Vanessa, Doolen, Chelsi, Jade

Chuck/Duck Hunt, D-one, Danica, Neil/Nani, Rebecca/Lizzie, Dad Dan.

Butch Deadlift, Punk Granny, and all twitter mutuals of The New Normal.

Anthony Guarino, Wayne Opp, and everyone else for making this record possible <3

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all rights reserved

tags

about

The New Normal San Jose, California

We are The New Normal. San Jose based, LGBT friendly, anti-racist, anti-fascist, and fucking exhausted.

We write songs about mental illness, drug addiction, loss, frustration, and dogs with anxiety.

For gigs and booking, email us at thenewnormal.sanjose@gmail.com or slide into our DMs on Twitter/Insta.

For wholesome content, follow us on Instagram, for shitposting follow us on Twitter <3
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